It's come to my attention that motherhood has turned me into a big fat liar. I guess liar may be strong, but I make up some great stories and names for things all for the sake of getting my daughter to do what I want/need without a fight.
Like, can I tell you how many things have become "princess" something or other's? At the gelato shop, when she can't make a decision:
Me: How about strawberry? You like strawberry.
A: No! I don't want strawberry.
Me: Oh, did I say strawberry? I meant "Pink Princess Berry," it's called "Pink Princess Berry"
And without so much the bat of an eye:
A: Ya, I want Pink Princess Berry!
Done and done! {I feel the need to clarify here that things like this usually aren't rewarded at my house. We've done the "walk out of the store without anything for being bratty or not making a decision" on more than one occasion. Her disappointment about that, as indicated by her devastated cries, have left both of us scarred for life I'm sure--I feel like a jerk and she thinks I'm mean.}
Or fighting to get ready for ballet, where her hair has to be in a pony tail. This little twist in her hair is now called a "princess twist" so she'll actually let me do it without pinning her down. In case you haven't noticed my child's disheveled state in many of my pictures, the child hates having her hair done--which really makes me almost want to cry because I love those girly bows damn it! Not to mention, I'm trying to teach her that we should be somewhat presentable when we step out in public--you know, which I demonstrate so well by going to the store in my yoga pants and no shower.
Anyway, in order to get her to let me do her hair in a way that will stay for longer than five minutes, I've resorted to lying creative naming. It seems to be that princess anything usually gets the job done. And somehow a pony tail is okay when accompanied by a princess twist. I did try "princess pony" on it's own, but for some reason she didn't buy that one.
And here's a mother of the year moment for you: She was always wanting to taste my coffee, so I thought, I'll let her try it, she'll hate it, and we'll never have to have this argument again. BACKFIRE! She loved it, so now I have to watch her like a hawk around my coffee or I catch her trying to steal sips. So going through Starbucks the other day, I told her she could have a hot chocolate to which she threw a fit about not wanting hot chocolate {she really is a sweet child--I assure you our life is not all tantrums}, so out came the "creative naming" and she was getting a "hot chocolate latte." And here you see, when hot chocolate becomes a "hot chocolate latte" she becomes a happy child.
The best part is when she tells someone what these things are "called" and they look at me like whaaa? To which I return a death look indicating that should they betray my secret, there will be hell to pay.
I'm sure psychologists and parenting experts would tell me this is somehow detrimental, and for the record, I'm one of those that's adamantly opposed to participation trophies, everyone winning {like she doesn't even watch Sesame Street because it pisses me off that there's never a winner}, not letting children experience disappointment, teaching the realities of life, and all that jazz. So will my child be scarred by my lying? Maybe. But I'm pretty sure anyone who has parented a three year old knows that "terrible twos" are merely a preparation for what the "independent and opinionated threes" bring. So I'll worry about the residual effects later and just be happy for now with the peace that comes from a little motherly creativity.
Do you "creatively name" things for your child, or am I just a terrible parent? {Let's be honest, I probably really only want to hear your answer to the first part of that question.}
